One thing that is a surety in life, as sure as the taxman’s visit, is the fact that love is in the air. Life begins from love, is sustained by love, and it is love that makes all of us loath sighting withering currents of life when the system fails and the spirit and the dust return to God and the ground, respectively. Even in times of serious life-threatening phenomena like the mark-timing COVID-19, or even war, love makes the efforts of keeping the watch worth it. While we can stop job applications, academic circles, sports leagues etc., love knows no boundaries. While reading this now, somebody could be going through the spasm of a novel love encounter.
Today I will not give lovebirds direct advice on what to do. You are in love because you know what you want, and seemingly you have found it in the object of your love. Else, you have found a fine specimen who, by grooming, can live up to the expectations you are dreaming of. Congratulations on securing love. While lust is everywhere, love is hard to come by nowadays, and it is a great blessing and an honoured privilege to be in a union that is actuated purely by love.
As part of my coaching techniques and life goals harnessing tools, I’m learning to appreciate the power of good questions. Approaching life from the side of questions is a great way to map out your path and course of action and a great way to arrive at solutions. Questioning the self can be optimised by radical honesty. Worthy questions, accompanied by honest answers, will always help you to know areas of improvement and the best possible direction to take in the next phase. So, it is vital to realise that it is not just questioning but asking quality questions.
Here are three important questions that people in love should ask themselves:
- Why am I in Love?
“Why am I in love?” It is a question that begs you to know what motivated you to be in love. It rocks down to what motivated you to be in love. When people get in love because they are motivated by the right considerations, they are safe and will benefit from being loved. Some of those good reasons could be: readiness to be in love, the need to share one’s life with another person, and simply finding the person you have been praying for. Wrong reasons for love could include the pressure to run away from loneliness, being whipped by lust, or peer pressure. If your honest answer suggests that your reason for being in love is not well-meaning and actuated by selfishness, you can choose what to do next. The options are to redress the errors or pretend like failures that things will just be fine.
In most cases, the solution is not breaking up, though in some situations, like in cases of incorrigibility, that may be the best option. If you were attracted to someone because of their money, you should begin planning to remain sustainable when their money dries up while finding something else to love other than money. However, it is important to remember that every solution that is being choreographed for a relationship started on wrong motives is like patching up a tearing garment.
Patchments cannot achieve the perfection of a completely sewn garment, though, for some, it can still work if you are okay with it, well and good, though it is important to know when a new suit is necessary.
- How does it add value to my life?
Value-addition questions are very helpful. You need to have an honest list of how being in love has changed your life. You need to weigh the pros vs. cons for careful and better considerations. You should not be worried or surprised that there are some scars and wounds. Relationship, just like life, is a battleground, and even the champions will sustain some wounds after destroying their enemies. However, when after an honest evaluation, you find that your net value is more on the negative side, you should acknowledge the fact that you are on dangerous ground. The wisest thing to do is to evaluate the danger and see if you can handle it. It is dangerous to sign up for what you cannot do. A relationship that drains you and makes you less useful should drive you to take a course on ‘How to Safely Break a Relationship.’
- How does my life compare before and after being in love?
This is close to value considerations but is wider and more dynamic. You will still do a comparative analysis, only that this time it involves two phases of your life; before and after being in love. Being in love comes with a radical change in behaviour and lifestyle. Being in love influences your sleeping patterns, religious life, nutritional behaviours, and even how you relate with others.
If you were an early riser before being in love, then after crossing over, you are tired in the morning after texting the entire night; you should see the need to improve your texting behaviour, for instance. Suppose you were committed to spiritual pursuits and find out that you are becoming a truant in attending religious meetings. In that case, you should consider if your love is more important than God and then decide accordingly. Your life before and after being in love is an important yardstick to see how love influences you. If you find out that love is leading you in the wrong direction, you should know that you are either in the wrong relationship or not mature enough to handle love.
Knowing if you are loving aright or wrong is sometimes difficult to know. Using the powerful tool of asking quality questions, you can weigh your love engagements in the balance to know how to redeem yourself. Sometimes, separation is necessary, or simply correcting a few things. Know what you can handle and what you may need to separate. You can, by practice, develop a powerful tool that can help you monitor the health of your relationship.