Three Cardinal Rules of Living With Empowered Women.

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Our women are empowered. Or, to put it differently, efforts are being made to make our women empowered. Is it good news? Has it made the world a better place? Would you want to live with an empowered woman? And what exactly is women’s empowerment? 

Empowerment is defined as the act or action of empowering someone or something: the granting of the power, right, or authority to perform various acts or duties. For instance, Malcolm X, the eloquent spokesman for black empowerment who, in 1965, was gunned down at the age of 39 in New York City, continues to influence our society’s political, social, and cultural climate. {Merriam-Webster} 

Did women need to be empowered in the first place? If you are honest enough, you would readily say yes. Most societies and cultures have had women disenfranchised and forced to take the back bench. Women, for some time, have not been involved in making vital decisions to steer society. They are to be seen but not heard. Most women were denied the privilege of education, not due to budget constraints but simply because they are women. And you remember very well when Christ fed the 5000 with a little boy’s lunch? There were five thousand men, women and children not counted. And in every public gathering, it is always apparent that the population of women and children are always higher. Do you think what I think? Christ indeed fed more than 15000 people if we apply the presumption that women and children always give maximum attendance at every gathering. 

I don’t think it was God’s desire that women should be left behind and be regarded merely as assets. At creation, the woman was taken out of the man’s rib. Is there any significance to this? Why was the bone not taken from the cranium or the foot? Why the rib? People could have many opinions to say about this, but here is what I go with:

“ Eve was created from a rib taken from the side of Adam, signifying that she was not to control him as the head, nor to be trampled under his feet as an inferior, but to stand by his side as an equal, to be loved and protected by him.” —-Patriarchs and Prophets P. 46 

At creation, a woman was empowered. However, it is indisputable that the man was granted a leadership role.  It was not a totalitarian leadership, but one endowed with deep love and desire to protect one’s mate as one would protect self. Here is what Adam said when he saw his woman for the first time, “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” The first time we are introduced to the woman, we are introduced to an empowered woman. She could make decisions, and unfortunately, when she trusted her own company, she got into a dangerous discussion with the serpent that opened the gateway to sin and led to the fall of man.

After the fall, cruelty and selfishness began to express themselves in many ways. We see the murder of Abel by his big brother. And disregard for women was started by a descendant of Cain, Lamech, who made the first bold step towards polygamy. It was a strange thing, for it had not been done before, and Women began to lose it progressively, and the struggle will continue as long as sin exists, for it is a consequence of sin. And I want to make a bold statement: Anyman who continues to live a life of sin will always disrespect women. Only the light of the gospel can restore the image of God in a man and make him regard all people as a purchase of Christ. 

Things have changed significantly over time. Many women have gone to school and are in significant positions of power and decision-making, proving useful. However, as women get more enfranchised, another problem is coming up—how to live with empowered women. In fact, I met a statement somewhere that states: The society has rallied for women empowerment and has forgotten to teach men how to live with empowered women. So we have men and women competing equally for opportunities, yet more mental health problems, divorce cases and dysfunctional families.

 I would say that any man who refuses to grow cannot live with an empowered woman. If you are used to being the sole autocrat, you will have a problem with an empowered woman. It calls for men to learn to appreciate that women can be Doctors, Engineers, Presidents, Vice Chancellors etc. When a woman has gone through the painful process of being a global citizen, you can only live peacefully and productively with her if you accept the new worldview and growth. If you push her to the kitchen with the kids, you create a good ground for conflict.

So how do we live with empowered women? I want to give a case study of an empowered woman—the woman of Proverbs 31—and learn from her husband. She is a model woman, a woman that every man admires except me, and I don’t have any problem with her. Maybe if you are curious to know my reason, You could find out here, “I Don’t Want the Woman of Proverbs 31.”  Let’s consider this woman.

A Wife of Noble Character

10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

    She is more precious than rubies.

11 Her husband can trust her,

    and she will greatly enrich his life.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

    all the days of her life.

13 She finds wool and flax

    and busily spins it.

14 She is like a merchant’s ship,

    bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household

    and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;

    with her earnings, she plants a vineyard.

17 She is energetic and strong,

    a hard worker.

18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;

    her lamp burns late into the night.

19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,

    her fingers twisting fibre.

20 She extends a helping hand to the poor

    and opens her arms to the needy.

21 She has no fear of winter for her household,

    for everyone has warm clothes.

22 She makes her own bedspreads.

    She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.

23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,

    where he sits with the other civic leaders.

24 She makes belted linen garments

    and sashes to sell to the merchants.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,

    and she laughs without fear of the future.

26 When she speaks, her words are wise,

    and she gives instructions with kindness.

27 She carefully watches everything in her household

    and suffers nothing from laziness.

28 Her children stand and bless her.

    Her husband praises her:

29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,

    but you surpass them all!”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;

    but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

31 Reward her for all she has done.

    Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

{Proverbs 31:10-31, NLT}

Here is a woman that has pitched her tent on the tower of empowerment. And the man of the moment is a gentleman. He knows how to live with an empowered woman. All through, we see the man do only three things which cover everything in the script of how to live with a woman who has some exposure and the ability to bring results:

• He Trusts Her.

This is what the Bible says, “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” This woman is enjoying the absolute trust and confidence of her husband. The man has given her all the space to thrive and bring results for the sake of their home and household. She is involved in labour with her hands and brings food from afar. She is an early riser and a good planner of the family routine. She buys land from her own profits. She goes far and wide to see things work out for her family. The husband finds no need to compete with her; instead, he trusts her to do what she has learnt to do very well. When you have an empowered woman, give her space to thrive and bring results home. Don’t compete with her. It will not work for your good. An empowered woman needs space to express her specialisation. Know what she is good at, then give her enough privilege and goodwill to bring results. 

• He Does Manly Things.

After trusting his woman with the noble duties, the man does not laze around but employs his time to do manly things. The Bible says, “ Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders.” The man then engages himself in manly things, for he has learned that manly men do manly things. He joins his colleagues at the leadership table and leads in making important decisions for society. He is well known at the city gate, not as the husband of a virtuous woman, but by his contribution to societal well-being. If you have an empowered woman, you must do manly things. Be the high priest in your family. Provide the masculine leadership and let her handle all else considered effeminate. Be the man you’re supposed to be. Focus on your calling, and do it to the best of your ability. Your best is good enough.

• He Praises Her.

And the man does not forget that his woman still needs his masculine attention. He doesn’t let her run on empty, craving his endearment. The Bible records, “Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” This man is the real deal. He knows the woman is empowered, but he knows that no woman can be too empowered to need masculine affection and love. He praises her and reminds her that she is the best. This gentleman has learned the love language of his woman to be the words of affirmation, and he does it so perfectly that the woman is at peace and satisfied. When you live with an empowered woman, know that masculine energy is still powerful to make them more useful. As empowered as they are, you are still the man. Find out their love language and reach out to them using that method. Every woman has their melting point, and lucky is the man who has known their woman’s melting point.

So to the good women who have been lucky to read this, are you empowered? In fact, here is a bonus, if you have read this article, you are an empowered woman. Only empowered women have time to read articles. An average woman is scrolling the bottomless pit of reels and social media craze, mining for pictures and the latest gossip. To some degree, you are empowered if you have read this article. I don’t want to talk about those who will talk about it with their friends and share. Those are in another class altogether—the enlightened.

What, then, is empowerment?

Empowerment and stubbornness are two different things. You are not empowered because you are roughing up men left, right and centre. You are not empowered because you don’t respect your man. You are empowered because you have a few bucks—sometimes money can be due to luck, and luck knows no gender.

True empowerment is understanding your position as a woman and your potential for usefulness. It is sharpening and harnessing your unique abilities to find the best version of yourself. It is understanding that your man needs you as a helper to achieve his dreams and that he cannot go as far without you than if you were behind him. It is understanding that you are special in a unique way and not in a comparative way to man. You can only be empowered in a feminine way, not a masculine way. 

A truly empowered woman is an asset. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.