Have you ever received such a confession? Has someone ever come out to clear issues with you and say, “I want to make things clear, well, I love you but as a friend.” I love you but as a friend is a statement that many young men find extremely discomfiting. I don’t know if ladies do get that more often, but anyway some of them have had to deal with that.
Now, you don’t get to hear such a statement when you are applying for a job, or when you are doing your end year exams. Instead, you hear it when applying to fill an emotional vacancy. More often when you’re in a pursuit of a partner, to love and to behod. Women tend to do it by signals and providing a favorable environment for a gentleman to present their manifesto. Men are naturally beings of conquests, and will always feel good enjoying the process of doing the chase, and their trophy is having the damsel get to a point of calling them ‘my favorite’. So under room temperature and pressure, or even standard temperature and pressure, all men will present a manifesto. I mean all men, even those whose pick up lines are covered with mist and fog of verbal impotence. However, it is impotant to be aware of possibilities. As an ambitious young man, it is detrimental to approach a girl with a watertight manifesto. Your pursuit of a dimepiece should give a room for a ‘no’ as an answer. In fact, how you will handle the situation, when ‘no’ comes as the answer, should be so elaborate that you have little room for disappointment. Yes is a great answer, and men gain a lot of gusto and ooze confidence when they get a yes especially from a seemingly mission impossible. ‘No’ is not a good answer, it crushes a man, but it has no mixed feelings. You gather yourself and go to a new hunting ground and dare tell no one, that you were served a whole cauldron of rejection. You internalize the dejection like an agency that accommodates within its costs of production, all the negative externalities. But there is a monster that leaves gentlemen in a spot of bother. This pest is ‘I love you but as a friend.’ Most men do not know how to treat this. Some have gone on record to declare it a euphemism for a ‘no’. Some think the lady is buying time to friendzone them, or have them as a backup plan in case the other one backfires.
What does it really mean, that someone loves you but as a friend?
Whereas some people can misuse it, it is important to realize that this is not necessarily a negative statement. This statement means that your friendship is well defined. It means there’s no room for confusion and asking funny questions like , “what are we?” It means there is a level beyond which you cannot go, or which you are not permitted to go. It is an invitation to drop your manifesto, or give up an expectation of receiving any. It seems to be a reminder that, “However much time we spend here, there is no room for thinking about me as a potential!”. It means you concentrate on your duties and the assignments that bring us together and no more after that. You need to realize it can be an announcement asking you to keep it professional. Further, it means that you have admirable qualities that make you useful and needful in their life, only that the part of emotional welfare is sorted. It means there are no blank spaces to be filled and so you can find such spaces elsewhere if you have a talent of filling blank spaces.
How do you handle this?
While being loved as a friend with no option of stirring affectionate propensities can be tough, especially if the selfsame person met your taste, handling your friendship after such additional information is very important.
The first thing is acceptance. Accept the fact that you cannot discuss only matters of social profile with the other gender. There are those who want to be part of your team because of your scholarly capabilities, or something else they like about you and that has nothing to do with romance.
Secondly, it is possible to have a meaningful friendship with the opposite sex so long us reasonable boundaries are kept and you remain committed to focus focus. If you have told someone you love them but as a friend, you must realize that the timelines of the day make you unqualified to talk to them at some specific times. If you keep on calling them late in the night, you end up giving mixed signals and cause a considerable reorganisation of their emotional dipoles.
The issue of space can prove very important here and so it becomes the third factor. If you love them as a friend, then keep yourself within the space that motivated that. If it is business, academics , or even their personality which makes them intriguing, you must not get into another space, especially suggestive ones. You should know that you must not begin talking about suggestive topics or giving and soliciting for liberties that stultifies your former confession. If possible, any discussion on the matters of love should remain seeking advice on important issues, and not suggestive questions like, “where would you want us to go for our honeymoon if I accepted your proposal?” Keep it professional and avoid bringing things which rekindle the fires of love.
And finally, you can still remain a good friend. Don’t count it a chance to run away because your agenda has not been accepted. Prove that you can be trusted with a sober connection with the opposite gender. You will have such colleagues at work, in class, or any other setting which brings people together. Always remember that a “no” means you can try elsewhere and not a declaration that you ain’t good enough.