Abusive Spouse

It is easy to love nice and responsive people. It is easy to show endearment to those who are sweet and caring. We long to show kindness to those friends who have been there for us when things were so thick and thin. We have all the motivation to care for those who invested in our education or business till we have made it. It takes no effort to burn our midnight oil, conversing with the new hotcake whose emotional deposits we want to harvest. We can comfortably travel upcountry to condole with that nice colleague at work, who has always made us feel appreciated. But how do you love a boring and exacting boss, who seems deliberate on making us have a nightmare at work? How do you love an abusive husband who by continuous and egregious infidelity, has brought STIs to your matrimonial bed? How do you love an father who drinks himself to death, gives no support and is abusive at home? Are there Reasons to love the Unlovable? Why should we love the Unlovable?

  1. You are Unlovable!

Oftentimes, when we hear of the unlovable, we check on our prisoners. Those whom we hate and find so coustic.We push it so fast to the neighbour’s compound, excusing ourselves of the very vice, we may prove most guilty of. Most of us assume we are so loving and caring. A young man may think he is so loving because he treats his girlfriend so well. The same person will need to prove his love later in marriage after begetting twins and they are mourning at night. Most men pretend to be deep asleep when parentage is needed, for lust masquerades as love till it’s time to sacrifice. Most people who assume to love, only love themselves. Most nice people are nice, so that they can get good treatment in return. You are working extremely hard, not because you love your neighbour, but because you either want to be like them, or better than them. If unlovable as we are, people have loved us, and even God has died for us, then we have every reason to love the unlovable. If Christ was to wait till we were remorseful and repentant for Him to die for us, He would have been waiting till now! While we were yet Sinners, He died for the unlovable.

2. Two Wrongs do Not Make a Right.

The Englishmen said, “Tit for tat is a fair game” and the swahilis backed them up when they by saying, “Dawa ya moto ni moto”, which loosely translates to “the antidote to fireburn is fire”. Let’s carry out an experiment and see if this is true.


Apparatus: Bunsen burner, You, booklet and a pen.


i. Using your lighter, put on the bunsen burner

ii.  Place your index finger gently on the flame and wait for 30 seconds.

iii. Remove your finger and state the inference on the booklet.

iv. Repeat the experiment using the same finger and record your inference on the booklet.

What is your conclusion?

If you are honest enough, and followed the procedure carefully, you should be in the hospital now. 

Two wrongs do not make a right. The burning coals of hatred from the unlovable, cannot be counteracted by showing them how rough we can be. The only solution to pain is saying thank you and loving instead. You don’t win an abusive spouse by abusing them. When you abuse a hooligan, you don’t qualify to be a rehabilitator. Love to the Unlovable, is like water to a dry weary land, it  will work a miracle in subduing every unholy attribute and unchristlike tendencies. 

3. Love is The End of all Conflicts

At the end of World war I, one of the recommendations that were given by the League of Nations to help combat the possibility of another World war, was ‘Strict adherence to the policy of disarmament’. Adolf Hitler defied this and begun equipping his arsenal, thus leading the Nazi regime to bring about World war II. You don’t end a conflict by preparing for the next. By warming up for the next conflict, you create a mood for antagonism. Loving the unlovable crushes them and makes them repentant. It may not be at once, but in the sweet by and by, they will break down. Don’t you realize, the goodness of the Lord leads us to repentance! Carnal nature does not repent and is always too proud to say sorry. 

4. Love is an Unanswerable Argument. 

People will doubt your theology and mock your religion, but they can neither quibble nor murmur at your changed life. A loving and a lovable Christian, is an unanswerable argument in favour of the gospel. You could be a great Christian, who can unequivocally recite Biblical texts, or a great theologian, but people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care. After doing His work, Christ had one request from His disciples. In His Prayer for them He uttered:

That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.”

John 17:21

As He was making such a prayer, Peter had a sword ready to strike at anyone who could meddle with their master. The sons of thunder were still scampering for top position in Christ’s temporal Kingdom. Judas was planning how to betray Him to the High Priest. A bandwagon of divided disciples, they were going to highly misrepresent the loving saviour, who was, is and will always be, the friend for sinners. Love is the only argument that will convince everyone that we are interested in their good. 

“It is easy for the natural heart to love a few favorites, and to be partial to these special few; but Christ bids us love one another as he has loved us.”

—Ellen Gould Harmon.

11 thoughts on “LOVING THE UNLOVABLE

  1. This just reminded me of Hosea and Gomer in relation to us Christians that no matter how unlovable we are,God only is the one who could betroth us to Himself. No human being could perform this marriage…then as He loved so must we…thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love remains the binding factor .It Softens the hard-heartened ,It builds broken bridges ,,,That love makes us happy ,it smoothens our way ,It makes us kind to others Everyday .
    Great Insight !

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amen,,,,,but to what about extreme abuse,,,how do you love an extremely abusive spouse really?This is not just a spouce that leaves you hungry but one that beats you near death ,,abuses your children physically

    Liked by 1 person

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